Wednesday, September 19, 2007

An Open Letter to Jewish Mothers from a Potential Daughter-in-Law

I have noticed that the relationship between us can be a bit strained. I have thought a bit about why that is. Perhaps you feel that I am stealing your son from you. This however is the natural order of things. When you got married you also took away a son from a mother. I am a bit concerned about the state in which I am receiving your son, he seems to have a few issues. I thought about a few tips that maybe you could follow in order that we both feel a bit better about this whole situation.

The first is always the hardest, it is hard for you to admit things to yourself but this is basically the crux of the whole issue. One day your son is going to move out of your house. Moving out means that you should no longer offer to do his washing, he should be able to cook and fend for himself and also live more than 50 metres down the road. He should be independent and self sufficient, capable of looking after others as well.

Here are some ways to help you both prepare for this:
1) From the day he is born you should start saying to yourself that one day he will grow up, be a big boy and have children of his own. You should also mention this to him and at around the age of 18 you can start actively encouraging this by saying things like – do you have a steady girlfriend?
2) Teach him to put the toilet seat down
3) Teach him how to do his own washing
4) Teach him how to boil water and make simple things like toast and pasta
5) Take him shopping with you to the supermarket so he knows where the food in the fridge appears from
6) When he moves out, stop offering to do his washing for him and also tell his grandmother to stop doing this too.
7) When he moves out, don’t give him the number of a cleaning lady, give him a broom and tell him to use it.
8) Stop telling him he is the best thing since sliced bread, instead tell him that he would be lucky to find anyone that would want to be with him.
9) If he is 30 and still living at home then kick him out
10) If he is 40 and still doesn’t know how to cook – don’t expect me to date him


If you do all the above I will:
1) Make him call you on your Birthday

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

as a fellow future daughter-in-law, i applaud your efforts to fix these boys and transform them into men. their age, i have learned, has nothing to do with anything. and their mother, i have learned, has everything to do with everything.

12:52 PM  
Blogger cornflake girl said...

Hilarious!

10:06 AM  
Blogger Ittay said...

that was great! You should scribble that on the walls of emek refaim. You are now the princess of katamon. watch out queenie.

4:04 AM  
Blogger Wisey said...

Who was it?

5:59 AM  
Anonymous malia said...

Believe me, that sentiment crosses oceans, religions and ethnicities!!

6:20 AM  

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